Valentine's Day is just round the corner. People are excited about being in love. Love is in the air. And sometimes it's conditioned*. The sign ups on tinder are rising. People swiping right for just anyone, and are still running low on luck. With thin commitments, how can love work out these days? It's working out just fine. While a lot of people celebrating Valentine's in RED, there is also a group with Blues. Lacking in dating or interpersonal skills can land you up in Matru pitra divas than with your Valentine. (Matru pitru divas is celebrated as parent's day in India to save our century old culture from foreign threats). But it's not just about dating skills. Falling in love is easy, coming out of it is easier, but maintenance is the toughest. Love is a verb. Continuous efforts are needed to love a person. The anxiety of searching a Valentine, falling in love, increases as rose day, chocolate day etc pass by. Most of the desperate ones end up celebrating the blues of Valentines than shining bright red. Akash, fourteen, sitting in the counselling session asks ”Can you believe I don't even have a Valentine”. Well, there is no reason not to believe, but I act shocked, “Is it true? “ Just to conform to his mindset. Just as people are not skilled enough to get a new Valentine, they are also not skilled enough to deal with loneliness and manage things during such hyped up scenarios. How to deal with such scenarios is kinda tedious. The hues of blue are different and many of the three we should focus on is the Indigo, Sapphire & Tiffany.
The Indigo blue of self - This shade is what will keep you to keep thinking good about your own self. In such hyped scenarios you personalize things as if you are the only one with no Valentine. The rest of the world appears to be with their partners having a gala time. That's so not true! You're not alone, and the negative view you have about yourself is not true either. People go on blaming themselves about how bad they are and how they don't even have a Valentine. Once a teenager was complaining to me about a list of things he didn't have. Like any other commodity like free wifi or Ipad, for him, even a Valentine was one of them, and how being alone made him feel he was nothing. Stop repairing yourself. There is nothing wrong in not having a Valentine, labelling yourself "that I am no good" makes no sense at all. Maybe I don’t have a Valentine, but that doesn't mean I am no good.
The Sapphire blue of others. The exaggerated qualities of others are also not true. We tend to distort reality and make it what it's not. There ought to be some of them who have exceptional qualities and interpersonal skills but they can be learnt, like they have. Sometimes a halo effect is present of a person, as if that is the only person who matters.
The Tiffany blue of value. The Tiffany blue is a sign of sophistication. We value others and ourselves with some self made scale, which we carry with us. We create a way of lie. When this scale is mixed and merged with different experiences from different people, we degrade or upgrade our value according to the comparison on this scale. Which in reality does not exist. Like how 'even the seventh grader next door has a Valentine and I being in college am alone'. Or some celebrity's posts on Instagram can trigger a belief “everyone has someone”. Be aware of these three shades of blue.
*Condition: Obviously I'm in love with you, until I realise why I'm not.
Himali Kelvekar, Student of English literature with a minor in communication, media and Psychology at christ university, Bangalore with a on-ground work experience in content writing ,editing,designing and public relations.
Sahil Takshak A student of Delhi University. Writing is my first love. Passionate about fitness, travelling, human psychology, cooking, politics, music, movies and books.